A dream...

So like I had predicted everything went to shit when we got back. The atmosphere feels so heavy here I really hate it. I wish I could just run... My dad is cheating on my mom again which makes me feel even worse because they say girls always pick guys like their dads and it's sad that he doesn't think about all that shit when he fucks up. P hasn't txtd since he dropped me off and I had another embarrassing moment with his sister. Idk if she likes me or not.... I hope she does... I hope deep down he realizes that I am a good girl to have around. It would feel a lot better if I knew that he doesn't wanna commit because of my situation with D and not because he doesn't give a shit. One can only dream though.

Back to reality.

Back in the H, vacation is over I start a new job tomorrow and continue the one I have now. Try to keep busy and be successful. P did my laundry yesterday it was so cute that he offered! He threw jeans and shirts together but I guess it's the intention that counts. Lol. I wish I could've stayed over there forever... I love it and I plan to hopefully go back with him. :) I have to see how things go. Hopefully he doesn't go back into ass mode. As far as D goes eh... Haven't talked to him or my parents this whole time and I have to admit it feels pretty damn refreshing. Yesterday I almost had a break down because I cannot yet understand why D fucked up if all I ever did was try to be everything he ever wanted....

Almost back... :(

I love this place! Nobody knows me, nobody knows my past. I can be the person that I want without worrying about the label of my last name and what it represents. I can be my own person and create my own destiny. I love the people that I've met here (P's) fam. They are super awesome and I wish I could keep them around forever! Lol. Idk what comes next all I know is I don't want to go back to reality... I don't want to return to the stress and anguish that fills my heart when I back home. :/

Day one on vaca

I am so at ease right now. I haven't been around people that make me feel this way in a long time. I seriously love them without even knowing them. They have made me feel welcomed and even called me part of their family!! :) It excites me to feel like this even if P says he doesn't want to "commit" to a relationship. Although I am scared to get too attached to him and his family I plan to enjoy these next 5 days with the to the fullest. :) :) :) :) :) My heart feels extremely content right at this very moment. :)

Vent away...

I am so freaking tired of inconsiderate ass holes. I wish someone could for once tell me straight forward what they think. Is it really that hard to express your feelings or to really be honest with someone? After all I've been through I  realize that it is better to be brutaly honest than to sugar coat it and beat around the bush. In both cases it still hurts but when you sugar coat it it makes the other person feel stupid for believing something that is totally the oposite. I can't wait to start living the careless free lufe I've so longed for! I am really close but for some reason it still feels like an eternity. I wanted this 5 day get away with P but he had to turn in to an ass and messed it all up. Honestly idk what changed!!! I wish I could read his mind so I could at least know the why... It was alll going so well... I met his friends he met mine we hung out a lot just as friends and then all of a sudden it changed. Idk if it was because he just couldn't take hiding anymore? everywhere we went I looked over my shoulder to make sure there wasn't anyone I knew and the time that I did know someone at the restaurant I think I was so nervous it made him uncomfortable, but still I loved my time with him when he was nice, he made me feel good and made the stress dessapear. I do miss that a lot. Life goes on and I can't spend my time dwelling on what could've been. I have to stay focused on my future and learn as hard as it may be that there is a sea of people out there waiting to be blown away like I am. I just want to dance my feelings and my stress away. Dancing is my greatest passion. I enjoy it like nothing else. :) music brings happiness to my soul and brightens my days. :)